REWIRING FOR GROWTH

Drug addiction is a learned, growing cyclical and ongoing habit reinforced by reward. More stronger the reward is, more severely the brain gets wired to expect and work for that reward. Rewiring your brain after you have stopped feeding the addiction isn’t actually something you would accomplish during just couple weeks spent sober. You rewire nothing.

Reward is linked to MEANING and PURPOSE. It’s easy to worship heroin as the highest purpose in your life when you are living on the streets. Meaning for me is other people. We are all more of a one thing than the other. If you are not busy choosing to work as a team towards life, then you must choose being busy working solo towards death. By choosing isolation, addiction over connection you will choose slow decay and death. It all depends just in what direction you are going. You have the choice every minute of the day about that direction.

Purpose nowadays is connection. Working for other people, and going towards other people instead of isolating and running away from the meaning, happiness and love that so many people are ready and willing to give me. That was one thing I just couldn’t get myself to believe in when in state of active addiction. Drugs were all my lovers and ultimately the only ones. They destroyed all my relationships with people, possibilities and chances for genuine real ongoing connection with others who appreciated me, because I chose not to let that love in instead of fear. Fear of myself, that I wasn’t  a good person and that I wasn’t somehow good enough. And also from a fear of rejection. Fear. You get what you deserve. By fearing fear you will keep it. Acceptance is the remedy.

Reaching out for those other people who were so willing to help was an act of self-love and courage. Pretty much the opposite of the things I had been doing along all those years in the past. My recovery started when I admitted that I needed other people to help me. Now I want to be active in doing the helping for others. And I am getting better at it day by day during my own recovery! It’s more meaningful to me now than choosing that shitty business of drug abuse because I have chosen the truth instead of lies. The truth of reaching out to other addicts promises a real connection, which is the biggest meaning and purpose I have encountered in my whole life so far. Just gather the courage, face those fears and accept them as part of you. Then take one simple look into another person who is also willing to let you see. You will see yourself and that we are all moving parts of one another.